Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Big Boss...

I decided I couldn't take it anymore. Today, I went to the big boss. The boss's boss's boss. Everyday for the past few months I've been looking at the clock. I've never left before 8 or 9 pm at night but the last few months I've been leaving by 6:30- at the latest! Usually by 6pm I've already mentally checked out. You see, this is what happens with you have a bad boss. The lady boss has been awful. Needless to say her indecision and inability to understand process has taken its toll on me. I was scared to death, but I realized that it was time to talk to the boss's boss's boss - the "big" boss.

See the big boss is probably the person I respect most in the company. He's intelligent, quick, and most importantly he's a visionary with the necessary skills to execute (plus I know he has a soft spot for me). He's usually in his corner office guarded by his assistant. She purposely stares over her glass desk one eye on the computer the other on his door so she can intercept anyone who may try to sneak past her. The assistant is probably the nosiest person in the company and when I set-up the meeting last week to meet with him today she was insistent. What for? Can I help you? I need a subject for the meeting request? Is 15 minutes okay? Seriously! You would think this guy was the American President.

Well my fifteen minutes was this morning. I knocked on his door and very logically went over my points/problems. I was scared shitless but it went really well. He insisted that if I started looking for another job I should tell him. He doesn't want to lose me and would move me to a different department. A born leader, he said. Commands attention when I walk into a room. Probably the biggest compliment I've ever received but the truth is my company is fairly small and my lady boss would still find a way to make my life miserable. know he's going to do everything in his power to keep me, but what else can they do? They've given me more money, they've given me a title bump. And the truth is I would give both back not to have to work with/for her. So it may be time to start looking. Don't get me wrong, I love my job...but if it's about FIT maybe it's just not right anymore.

Eeerrr, this is going to suck...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Today was a good day...

...Today was dessert day. What is dessert day? Dessert day is when the company caters a variety of desserts to all the employees just because. This happens once a year. I look forward to it all year and somehow I forgot that today was dessert day!!!!! How could I?!

I got the email in the morning and all day I asked people what they wanted for dessert? Were they skipping lunch for dessert? (you get the idea) I even blocked off the half hour on my calendar so I wouldn't forget when they would arrive (thank goodness for Outlook reminders). The past few weeks have been pretty harsh but for some reason - dessert - I was on cloud 9!

Of course, when the dessert actually gets here there's a line down and around the hall. I work for a small company but when it comes to "special" HR activities that involve food everyone seems to turn out and when it means there's more than a dozen people between me and my dessert, watch out.

Of course the on-air editors and the print designers are in the front of the line...they wear jeans and flip flops to work, stroll in around 10:30 and have the excuse of "creative brainstorming" for the hours they spend out of the office coincidentally around lunch time. Despite all this I do love them and if it weren't for their creative minds my party invitations would fall flat...so I'm willing to let them slip ahead in line. It's the accountants that bother me. These are the 9-5 hard core junkies...they don't seem to care about getting my checks to me on time to pay my party vendors but when it comes to leaving work at 5 o'clock they already have their coats on. These are the people ahead of me that annoy the hell out of me. It's 4 o'clock, don't they have a check to cut before they leave?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The bobble head...

Dwight has a bobble head of himself in the show the Office…I often wonder what it would cost to have a bobble head made of my boss. See she sits in meetings all day bobbing her head at whatever anyone is saying even if she has no idea what it means or what it takes to get what they’re asking for done. So what do I do? I sit there shaking my head as I jot down the list of items that need to get done. Then I somehow make my way back to my desk, fall into my chair, and rewrite my “to do” list.

Today is no different. See, I’m planning a major event in another city. Every time I propose a budget it gets approved but as we sit in meetings and people start brainstorming ideas for additional items, the boss lady nods her head, says great idea, and worst of all finishes with “we’ll do it”. Of course “we’ll” do it. Of course the budget doesn’t get any bigger. And though it’s always my best intention to not have my girls sitting in the office at midnight placing stickers on water bottles or sealing envelopes with wax, it seems that because of all these new “ideas” we’re constantly scrambling to get things done in a smaller budget. While I don’t mind the scramble, what I hate is when she laughs and shakes her head as she walks out the door at 6 o’clock and says “why don’t you hire a freelancer to do that”. Well I would, really I would, but somehow I don’t have enough money in my budget to hire additional staff even when I purposely put in a request for $5k or $10k for pre-event help.

So what do you think I’m doing today. Yes, you guessed it…this thing that we have so conveniently termed as “stickering”. I’m stickering boxes with my girls to send out these gifts that we have coincidentally also had to sticker to executives who will probably never see the gift and if they do they’ll just toss them in the corner or give it to their assistants. So my stickering will then be peeled off (because really, who wants something that’s branded with a company logo anyway) and the gift will be given to some secretary’s niece or nephew.

Maybe the thing I need is a bobble head of myself, so that when boss lady is bobbing and looks at me like I’m the black plague because I’m shaking my head, I can just turn back to my computer as she screams and hit my little bobble head, bobble, bobble, bobble…

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Birthday...

Make a wish…you only get to do this once a year. It’s when you close your eyes and blow out your birthday candles. Some ages are in theory “bigger” than others – 16, 18, 21, 30. But what about 25? I remember what I used to think I would be and be doing by the time I turned twenty-five. Engaged, with an amazing apartment, visiting are galleries and trendy new lounges, and living the Sex in the city dream. Well, I’m not engaged but I do have an amazing apartment and do have to say that when I think about it – I am living the Sex in the city dream…going to art galleries, hitting up some hot parties, painting on weekends, and meeting some very interesting people…so what about this year is so different? Why does it feel like I’m not where I should be?

I think it’s because I’m thinking too much about the future. When I’m supposed to get engaged, when I’m supposed to open my own company, when I’m supposed to be sending my parents an luxurious vacations. I’m thinking too much about the amount of time between here and there instead of thinking about the now. It’s like planning a big after party and you’re all caught up in the details and before you know it, it’s all over. You miss the late night laughs together in the office, the crazy coffee runs at 5:30 in the morning, and the sense of power you have by turning people away from the door. Suddenly everything becomes a blurry memory and you’re body is an automatic because you’re mind has checked out. I guess I’m in a weird place right now. I’m not being. I just need to figure out why so that I can again, take pleasure in the small things again like sending my intern out to find the perfect size box that I know doesn’t exist just to see how hard she’ll try.

I know birthday candles don’t really mean anything and a wish is just that – a wish. But this year I want my birthday wish to be a forecast, a promise, a statement for where I am instead of a wish for where I want to be.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A New Year...

There’s a moment I hate. It’s the moment when you exit your apartment and when you look up your standing in the elevator about to exit on your office floor. That’s the moment I hate. It means that you’ve been at your company long enough so the morning commute there is like second nature. It’s the moment when you realize that it’s just another day at work. Just another day. I hate that moment. It’s been a while since I’ve written. Do I have an explanation? Of course. But I’m not going to go into all the details. You’ll learn about it over the next few weeks, but for today it’s just another day.

A New Year mean’s new resolutions. What is a resolution anyway? I asked my girlfriend what her resolution was and she said to try harder. I liked that. Try harder at everything. Try harder at work. Try harder at love. Try harder at life. So I started thinking about my New Year’s resolution. The typical work out more often (yes, I joined a new gym), eat healthier, floss more (I actually think I can do this one)…I had them all. But now I think I’m changing it. Yes, I’m stealing her “try harder” but I’m also adding “balance”. Balance my work time & play. Balance my bitch & sweetheart personality at work. Balance ambition with reality.

Life for me has been all about work and it isn’t changing anytime soon. Since I was 19 I’ve been on the fast track in entertainment. Now that I’m settling into management roles, I need to evaluate what else I want to do. Keep obsessing about work, but yes go to the gym more. Yes, choose days that I do nothing at. And Yes, most importantly choose when to say No to a company. This year’s going to be interesting. The situation with the boss lady has only gotten worst. And to think I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. I think it’s time for me to have one last conversation with her.